I Disagree With The Narrative

Tonight on Lou Dobbs I heard Lou and his talking heads going on about how terrible a week it has been for the Obama campaign and it made me realize that there are times when I inhabit a different reality than the one presented on TV. I mean, we all do, but in the realm of politics I'm starting to realize that I'm always going to be living in BizarroLand and all the while I'll be listening to windbags either pontificate on or apologize for the mythical liberal bias.

I may go insane at some point because of this.

What Lou and Co. were doubtlessly referring to is the backlash against Obama for the "pig in lipstick" comment that we decided to pay attention to this year instead of commiserating about 9/11 happening 7 years ago. Honestly, it's a push. Anyway, I've made a conscious effort to not get myself all twisted about this manufactured bullshit story, but I will grant myself permission to bitch about it as a part of the BIG PICTURE.

Did anyone actually listen to Obama's original comments, then the phony outrage, then Obama's response to that phony outrage? He basically called the Republicans out on being full of shit and shifting the focus away from the important issues and he did so with typical nonchalance and without a hint of aggression or defensiveness. I mean, I can see how that might be a turn off to some people the same way that pretty much everything Sarah Palin does makes me want to kick her in the face, but honestly, the guy fucking HANDLED it. Well. Anyone that did follow the whole story and still qualifies it as a net loss for Obama...I just...I just...I just live on a different planet than you do. And at the risk of exposing my Eastern liberal elitism, my planet is better. Seriously, it is.

And this is how it starts every time. Liberals as a whole and the Democrats as a party are a jumpy lot. The masses have fallen for the Palin Trap hook, line and sinker and the post convention bounce has been kinder to McCain than anticipated and the left is shitting a collective brick and bemoaning the loss of the election. It's sad to watch. And all the while the guy they elected to run for the presidency has remained totally cool, calm and collected - it's been impressive for anyone that is actually paying attention. However, in the midst of all the hand wringing and wasted energy forwarding nonsense emails about Palin banning books we're once again ALLOWING THEM TO DEFINE WHAT HIS HAPPENING.

Obama didn't lose this week except in the eyes of the media. Why? Because that makes the story better. It's obvious and apparent. Now go tell someone that. Don't let them define this as a loss for Obama - you know, the guy who laid out an educational plan this week and refused to get drawn into the losing game of identity politics. Stop rolling over for this kind of garbage. And when you clarify for someone that, "uh, no, actually he didn't say that at all, what he said was this" DO NOT let them paint you as defensive or desperate. That's another trick of the right - staying cooler under pressure than the left. Just because they say it doesn't make it true, and this year we've got to stop feeling guilty about wanting the true version of events to be publicized rather than the more compelling paranoid version that the right wants the hockey moms to buy into.

Speaking of which - the next time someone starts talking to you about hockey moms or "the Walmart crowd" or small town values stop the conversation right there and have them define for you exactly what they mean by small town values. Then have them explain to you why they believe that the conservatives have that market cornered and help them to understand how wrong they are. If this election is going to be decided on ultimately nebulous and inconsequential Americana buzzwords then we'll need to stake as strong a claim to that kind of bullshit as the Republicans have. I know that to a lot of liberals this seems like a waste of time and an exercise in direct conflict with practicing common sense, but look how good that attitude has paid off for the past 8 years.

Challenge the narrative. Don't roll your eyes and throw your hands up and let the thought of defeat bring you down. Obama only lost this week if we allow ourselves to feel defeated and if you listen to what he has said you can't feel anything but positive that this is the person that will connect with more Americans and will rightfully be elected into the Oval Office. And once you listen and digest, you spread the word. Keep the conservatives on their heels - let them know that we refuse to let this all happen again. This week was about laying out a plan for education - where was McCain?

I'll be the first to admit, at first blanch the Obama campaign has stumbled out of the post-convention gate. They haven't found a resonant message and have wilted in the face of the All Palin All The Time news cycle (and the next time someone mentions how rough the media has been on Sarah, ask them to cite specific examples from anywhere but the liberal blogosphere to back up this myth - press them on it and then ask them to defend her decision to seclude herself from the press as she runs for the second highest office in the land - don't they want to know as much as they can about her as a politician?) but I'm confident that the bloom is going to come off this rose and when it all comes down to it people are going to look at the reality of their economic situation and take it out on the party of Bush on Nov. 4th. But I don't want to count on that. I'm confident that Obama is going to find his stride and that his message will resonate when the dust settles.

But then again, I've also been guilty of underestimating the public's penchant to vote against it's own interests in the past.

I Watch Convention Speeches

After watching some of the Republican National Convention last night, I guess I just feel the need to vent. I have stopped posting in a politics forum that I used to frequent because it just got too repetitive and annoying, so I walked away for a little while. But now I'm jonesing to talk about some of the stuff that has been on my mind so here I go again...on my own...going down the only road I've ever known...

I tuned in towards the very end of Mitt Romney's speech. As some of you know ("you" of course, being me, the only person reading this) I am a fan of professional wrestling. When a wrestler takes a microphone and starts barking into it for a few minutes they call it cutting a promo. Somewhere during that promo the wrestler will usually employ the use of a catch phrase - something strongly identified with the character they are portraying that is usually plastered on t-shirts and other merchandise. It's all part of the package. As I was watching Romney I just kept thinking that he was trying out a bunch of new catch phrases for his character, or the character of his party. I mean, the guy was delivering the applause lines well, I can't deny that. And when you've got a friendly audience, why waste the opportunity. But I'll be damned if the guy actually, you know, SAID anything beyond the call and response stuff with the audience. To use another term from pro wrestling, what Romney was doing was generating cheap heat with the crowd. Getting them to cheer for standard party line crap. And that's fine. It's probably the best use of Mitt these days and he's good at it. Yay rah rah and all that crap. That's what these conventions are for, so I really didn't have much of a problem with Romney's ultimately toothless cheerleading.

Then came Mike Huckabee. I like Mike Huckabee. I think he'd be a fun guy to attend a cookout with or maybe even talk politics at a bar with. He'd probably be the kind of guy you could disagree with completely and still really genuinely like when the dust settles. He's a good face for the GOP, I think, because despite his religious past, he comes off as nearly moderate in conversation. His beliefs may be quite conservative, but his presentation is ultimately non-threatening. His speech was a big step up from Romney's I think. He seemed to be speaking with an actual interest in improving the direction of the country - as though he truly believes that McCain is the go to guy to make things better, which I'm sure he does. So it was all together more palatable on the whole than was Mitt's. All the way up until that silly story at the end about the teacher and the desks and the veterans. Talk about taking the long way home. I know that the story was ultimately about respecting the military and that it's unthinkable to ever criticize someone taking the time to remind us how every dead Iraqi means another day of freedom for our children, but this was a bit much for me. It plays to the base though, so again, it doesn't really ruffle my feathers or anything. I mean, I AM watching their show.

Throughout the night CNN kept airing the pundit reaction to the festivities, getting comments from both sides of the aisle. It was the usual mix of "Everything is perfect and brilliant and an undeniable home run!" from the right and the smarmy, wishy-washy defensiveness from the left, although to their credit some of the liberal commentators agreed that the GOP was having a very strong outing.

Then came Rudy Guilliani. Now, I may not have the world's greatest memory, but I honestly can't remember a more short sighted and embarrassing performance in a major political address by anyone not named George W. Bush. Again, it was all applause lines with absolutely zero substance. And it wasn't even delivered well (although truthfully, Rudy has never been all that great at the podium to begin with). The fact that his borderline insane ramblings hit home with the conventioneers doesn't bother me. I'm sure a lot of the stuff I was rallying behind last week made conservatives feel the same way - that everyone in attendance at the DNC must be completely and undeniably stupid to cheer such nonsense. Again, that's what the convention is for, I get it. What bugs me is that the people out here in the real world actually think this is a person of prominence in the party and that he should be taken seriously. Last night Rudy Guilliani was awful, and the fact that close to 50% of the country probably thinks he was spot on with his commentary is something I'll probably never understand. That is, until I grow up, have kids and pay a mortgage. At least that is what my conservative relatives and friends have been telling me. For 16 years now anyway. One of these days.

The last speaker of the night was someone named Sarah Palin. You've probably never heard of her. Last week on Real Time with Bill Maher, on the day she was announced as John McCain's running mate, Michel Martin made the point of saying that the Democrats take Sarah Palin lightly at their own risk. Last night, the VP nominee proved that to be the case. She delivered a strong speech that will ultimately boost John McCain's standing with the conservative base. Never mind that the reality of the situation is that they are rallying behind someone CHOOSING LIFE!!!!! right in front of their eyes and not really 100% sold on Palin the wonder-mayor-governor-mom-wife-sorta-hot-but-not-really-ultra-everything-true-conservative-breath-of-fresh-air. They're not. I mean, they say they are, but I ain't buying it yet. Without the pregnant daughter and the dimwitted view of her situation as some kind of blessing rather than a perfect example of the failed policy of abstinence-only education that the governor so strongly supports, the Evangelicals would not be flocking to McCain the way they are now. The right is selling Palin as the great white hope and a better brand of change, but the reality is that she is doing more to move the party back to the Bushies than Karl Rove could hope for - and he should know as he is likely behind her ascendence to the #2 spot. It seems to me that this convention has a goal of rousing the single-issue, religious voters whose numbers gave Bush the final push to actually win an election in 2004. It's actually a smart move, seeing as McCain is making little to no headway with the moderates and independents. And seeing as he does not possess the attributes to fire up those millions, Palin was called in to bring them back home. I don't know if it was all planned to come out this way, but it's working and it might just end up being the dumb mistake that really does change this election.

I'm not saying that I think Obama will lose. I still think he is going to win and win strong. I really do. But I've been fooled before and I'm at the point where nothing surprises me. The Democrats have a history of shrinking from a fight and Palin has shown that she is not afraid to get dirty. I'm very anxious to see how they react to her bravado once we get past the conventions and into the trenches. I just know that Obama has stepped up to every challenge placed in front of him thus far, and while he certainly hasn't hit every pitch out of the park, I think his average has been better than good. He's too smart to get tripped up by the attacks that have been lobbed at him this week. What silenced and stymied John Kerry hasn't slowed Obama down at this point and his campaign has shown an uncanny ability to change the questions once the right supplies the answers. He's not throwing haymakers (despite his performance in Denver last week which should have been underscored with LL Cool J's "I'm Gonna Knock You Out"), but he's quick enough on his feet and good enough with the jab to keep the competition from getting too comfortable with him and I still think he is going to land that knock out blow before all is said and done. In order to do that though, Obama is going to have to make it very clear that the Republicans take him lightly at their own risk. This week has seen the right get EXTREMELY comfortable with their attempts at belittling the senator by labeling him a "community organizer," as though his humble beginnings in the public sphere are something he should be ashamed of. Already Obama’s camp has embraced these attacks and turned them on their ear, reminding Americans via an email sent out this morning that it is community organizers that give individuals a voice in response the failures of government. This message needs to be amplified by Obama as a way to remind every American that pitches in to make their community a better place that the GOP has no time for them – laughs at their efforts to exuberant response from their base.

This is the party that McCain has sold himself out to represent. The party of constant victimhood. The party that will forever blame the big liberal government for all the problems in America despite running the country lock, stock and barrel for 6 of the past 8 years. The party that is happy to poke fun at his elite education - as though actually voting for someone smarter than you is something to shy away from when there is a perfectly good drunken failure to vote for instead. As though a graduate of the most prestigious college in the country is someone we'd rather not have making important decisions. This is the party that is constantly crying foul at the “liberal” media – the same media that McCain once referred to as his base during his former run for the White House – you remember – the one where he made a principled stand against the kind of government George W. Bush would usher in to power. The same media that has been falling all over themselves for a week to gush about McCain’s genius Hail Mary choice of Sarah Palin while simultaneously declaring that her shortcomings as a political figure are decidedly out of bounds for political commentary because they may be intrinsically linked to her private life. This isn’t a liberal media – this is a prostitute media – one that will gladly bend over for anything new and worth a ratings point here or there. If nothing else, the Palin explosion in the past week should make some people understand that.

But no, it won’t. It will just lead to more of the same. If it’s not uber partisan, it’s not worth mentioning anymore, it seems, and as long as the GOP can tell their story about being held down by the evil journalists, even amidst this giant Sarah Palin circle jerk, without rebuttal from the weak-kneed Democrats or even the thoroughly neutered media itself, then they deserve to be the ones defining the issues (which, we should all remember, according to the McCain campaign, don’t really matter anyway).

It’s almost comical at this point. No, you know what, it is comical. During CNN’s severely flawed convention coverage last night (I’ll be honest here, I thought Fox news did a better job with the Dems for the hour I dared watch their coverage last week) they read Harry Reid’s response to Palin’s speech about a half an hour after all was said and done. In the press release Reid made mention that the attacks put forth by the governor were "shrill", among other things. For the next 5 minutes the gaggle of talking heads CNN had assembled all clucked about how Reid and the Democrats had better be careful with that kind of language because it reveals the sexist nature of their reaction to Palin. No one seemed to take issue with this assessment of the situation. Not one person, right of left said that after 4 hours of mocking Barack Obama, of using every sophomoric and sarcastic comment that an army of speechwriters could come up with to undercut and flay the Democratic nominee and attempt to make a joke of his campaign, not one person felt the need to point out that maybe the senate majority leader had a point. Shame on you – evil, liberal-agenda oriented media.

How about the fact that the shotgun wedding groom was flown into St. Paul from Alaska to pretend to love Palin's daughter and hold her hand all night? I mean, I get that we're all in on the joke at this point and that the whole ridiculous charade is "off limits" but are you telling me NOT ONE FUCKING PERSON is going to bother to mention what a sham this all is? What's the point of having Joe Biden on the ticket if he can't say "outrageous" things that expose the hypocrisy of the whole stupid game we're playing here? Are we this fucking numb that we will allow ourselves to be accomplices in this bold faced lie because we're afraid of being called mean and uncaring? I'm dumbstruck by the whole thing. It's simultaneously hysterical and terrifying. No one could get away with writing this movie. It'd never get made. And here we are, watching it all unfold before us, unrivaled in it's transparency, and we're all just nodding and playing along, wishing there was more fake butter on our popcorn.

Tonight John McCain takes the stage. Everyone in the world knows he simply does not have the talent to follow his running mate up. I’m assuming his speech will be boring and unremarkable in every way, which is sort of what I think the GOP is hoping as well. They know they hit their high note last night and now they just want the old guy to spike the ball and call it a convention. Maybe they’ll try to offer and olive branch to the moderates and independents they have given the shaft to this week, but I doubt it, nor should they, really. This convention will be deemed a success because of the work they have done to repair the base of the Republican Party, and more than anything else, the right has two horny teenagers to thank for that. Ultimately this week has been about half of America getting a crush on Sarah Palin and seeing as McCain has not a single policy to sell to the voting public (at least, that’s how it appears considering that this entire convention has been free of any of that kind of boring stuff) he oughta just close his eyes and enjoy the ride. This is, after all, what he signed up for when he decided he wanted to be President more than he wanted to be John McCain.

Eddie Vedder Show - 8/4/08

Got a chance to see Eddie Vedder play the United Palace Theatre up in Washington Heights last night. Fantastic show that really rocked my socks, especially because I didn't think I'd be able to go until almost the last minute. When tickets went on sale last month through the 10 Club I tried to get them for either of the NYC shows and got shut out. I went to Ticketmaster a few days later and had no luck there either. I had accepted the fact that I'd miss the shows and bummed as I was I figured it was probably for the best, financially speaking.

On Sunday night I got an email from my friend Alan who had sent some video from the Boston show of Eddie playing an acoustic version of "Porch" and telling me that the show was amazing. So that had my itching to see the show. I was thinking about heading up to the theatre after work and trying to scalp a ticket, but on a whim went to Ticketmaster yesterday afternoon and found two tickets with no trouble. Weird.

Got to the show a little late - missed most of Liam Finn who was opening. Seemed like he was in the midst of a pretty cool set though, so I might have to check him out another time. We probably heard the last 2 or 3 songs in full once we got to our seats (about 3 rows from the very back of the orchestra - not bad all things considered) and he was making good use of several looping effects and/or pre-recorded tracks. Definitely a charged performance, to say the least.

Around 8:45 or so Eddie hit the stage, coming up through the crowd. Set was pretty sparse - he was playing surrounded by about 3 or 4 guitars and a couple other instruments, an old tape recorder and some amps. He sat for the whole show and played in front of a series of increasingly in-artistic backdrops. The first one was a city background which was cool, but the two that followed were no great shakes. The final sky backdrop was better, but a little hokey.

He opened with a couple of covers, "Walking The Cow" by Daniel Johnston and Cat Stevens' "Trouble". Not overly familiar with either tune, but I think he's played each a few times as sound checks at PJ shows. First thing I noticed was that his voice sounded very good. Sound system in the building was MUCH better than the Tweeter Center PJ show last month. Of course, they were only really mixing his vox with his guitar last night, so I would imagine that had something to do with it. I had never seen a show at this venue before, but to me it sounded great.

From there he went into some Pearl Jam material. "Around The Bend" sounded great and I realized how long it's been since I listened to that song. I've never been a huge fan of "I Am Mine" but stripping it down to just him and a guitar made it seem fresher and I really enjoyed it. "Dead Man Walking" has never been a favorite of mine either. This performance was fine, but the song just doesn't really do much for me - never really goes anywhere. It is cool, however, to see him go deep into the PJ catalogue and play songs you rarely hear the band play live to fill out his set list.

He briefly played part of "I'm Open" before "Man of the Hour" which was also fine, despite being another song that never really gets out of 1st gear for me. It's funny - writing this now I feel like I'm being very critical of the show, but to be honest, I never really thought "Oh, I don't like this song" or "I wish he was playing different stuff" as the show was progressing. I was just enjoying being there which I think had everything to do with accepting that I was going to miss the show in the first place then being surprised at the ticket availability.

"Sometimes" was a huge surprise for me (I haven't been keeping up with the set lists for his solo shows) and that really knocked me out. He followed that with a few songs from the "Into the Wild" soundtrack, which felt like a bit of a rock-opera to me. "Setting Forth", "No Ceiling", "Guaranteed", "Far Behind" (my personal favorite song from the album), and "Rise Up" were a great representation of the album and I loved the overall flow of that particular mini-set.

After the Into the Wild section, he played "Millworker" which is such a great story in a song. Really clean and crisp throughout the song, but then he veered way off course (in a good way) and went into a Townshend-esque guitar beating session which was just completely emphatic and brutal. Totally out of left field and a take on the song I wouldn't really have expected.

"Soon Forget" game next which reminded me how much I love Binaural. He followed that up with a song called "Goodbye" which I hadn't heard before. Not sure if it was one of his own or a cover, but it was great. Very emotional and one of the real highlights for me - love the new stuff.

Eddie had some fun next, saying he was going to play a sad song and goofing around with "Used To Work In Chicago" which basically ended up being about a verse's worth of set up for a limerick punchline. He followed that up with a brief "Walk Hard" cover which then lead into "Drifting", which did about as much to blow the doors off of the place as one could expect at a solo show with an acoustic guitar. Another rarity that was great to hear live and a song that really captures the very best of his talents, I think. He kept the pedal down for the rest of the main set, closing with singalongs "Hide Your Love Away" and "Porch" both of which were phenominal and tremendously energetic.

He took off for a minute or two, but came back quickly for the encore, which was a nice surprise. Not the encore, just that we didn't have to stand there clapping for 5 minutes before it happened. Second set opened with "Wishlist" which is another favorite that I haven't heard the full band play very much live. Funny bit here as he sort of sang the e-bow solo (I still love the mini-argument Ed and Stone get in over who should play that solo on the "Single Video Theory" DVD).

Highlight of the night came next in what appeared to be a completely impromptu rendition of "Let My Love Open The Door". Just completely thrilling. Before the song he said something along the lines of "I have no idea how this one is gonna go..." Well, it went pretty fucking great. He attempted to get the audience to sing in harmony at the end, which also went surprisingly well, considering they were having trouble even keeping a simple beat with the clapping along all night. Great moment and another cover that allowed Ed to really showcase where his voice is at right now. I honestly think he sounds as good as I've ever heard him live right now.

Liam Finn joined him for "Society" and then Ed played "Masters of War" after someone shouted it out as a request. Speaking of which, there seemed to be a lot of that going on last night. Not surprising, happens all the time with every band. That doesn't make it any less annoying though. Yeah, there are about 100 songs I've love to hear him play too, but why spend time bitching about what you're not hearing when there is such a great show happening right in front of you? Just something I don't get about people. And don't even get me started on the shitheads who just scream out whatever goes through their heads just to be heard. At least the clowns requesting their favorite song have some kind of misguided purpose. The other guys and gals might as well just scream "PAY ATTENTION TO ME!" and get it over with. Just do us a favor and take up your inferiority complex with your parents at Christmastime instead of in the middle of a show the rest of us are trying to enjoy.

Where was I?

Oh yeah, "Masters of War" was fucking intense. Saw this with the full band on the Vote For Change tour in 04, but I think this version was more gripping. I read a review today that mentioned how the whole place was completely silent and I was struck by the same thing. Eerie. Touching. "No More" followed and that felt sort of like the manufactured version of the Dylan tune. Where "Masters of War" shook the whole place, "No More" was more like a paint by numbers thing with a big "YOU PROTEST HERE!" neon sign flashing during the singalong parts. Still moving based on the subject matter alone, but not in the same league as "Masters" and it ended up suffering for it's placement.

Second set closed with "Arc", a tune from Riot Act that I've never been a huge fan of. Completely different experience live though, with Eddie looping his howling voice and adding to the loop until he goes off at the end, improving at the high end of his register. Really a striking performance.

He ended the show with "Hard Sun" for which he was joined by Liam Finn and Eliza (not sure of Eliza's last name, but she plays with Liam). This was a total 180 from the direction the show had taken in the second set with the lights coming up and everyone letting loose and celebrating the music. The three of them played along with a pre-recorded track, which led to at least one minor problem with Eddie repeating a chorus one time too many when the music shifted back to the verse, but he covered it well and it made the whole thing that much more memorable.

Eddie seemed in good spirits all night. He talked a little about his first trip to NYC and how the magnitude of playing the Garden and these solo shows in the same summer was not lost on him. He joked a bit here and there, talked up the venue, gave us a little politics (not much) and generally came off as though he was really enjoying the chance to do something a little different. I remember shows where, despite his enthusiasm for the music, it sometimes looked like touring was the last thing he ever wanted to do and I just feel really fortunate with the way he and the band have progressed because when I see them these days it looks like they are all 100% comfortable, happy and content, which has me hoping for many more great shows to come.

As we were walking out I was just shaking my head at how great a time I had. I'm honestly not even sure exactly what it was that made it such a great show to me - although I think sometimes it's the stuff you can't explain that makes certain concerts stand out. I just know that I had a great time and that it's easily one of the best shows I've ever been to. Not that I didn't expect Eddie to step up and deliver the goods, but even then my expectations were exceeded. Wish I was headed back up there tonight.

I Think...

...I'm gonna start using this blog to post random shit. Like everyone else on the internet.

Just don't tell anyone.

TRAINING WHEELS SEASON 2: DAY 1 - IT BEGINS AGAIN

On October 13, 2007 I'll be running my second marathon. This time it will be a little different. I'm doing this one on my own without the benefit of training with Team in Training. Nor will I be doing any fundraising for this event. If Phoenix was a personal test for me to see if I could complete a marathon, this is the next test I am choosing to challenge myself with. Can I train myself to run a marathon? It's another lead up to the main event of personal challenges: Can I run a marathon in under 4 hours? I'm not sure this will be that marathon, but it could be. As of now I'm starting to train for the second of a 5 race plan that ends where it began - Phoenix 2009. On the way I'll make stops in Connecticut, Alaska and Illinois, but now I'm getting ahead of myself.

My official training schedule begins on June 18, but I decided that I should do a little pre-season work to make sure I show up on the 18th ready to run. So this morning I woke up at 6:00 and went for a short 20 minute jog. It sucked. I haven't done a lot of running since January. I've probably been out half a dozen times, most recently as a part of the Revlon Run Walk on the first Saturday of May. Needless to say, I'm out of shape and out of practice. About two months back I had dropped close to 20 pounds and was feeling very good. Since then I have put most, if not all, of the weight back on and am feeling it with every step.

Here's something that sucks about running your second marathon vs. running your first: you no longer have the excuse of not knowing what to expect. When training for Phoenix I never knew exactly what to expect - how my body would react to certain things for instance. I ate like a horse telling myself "I'm running a marathon - I can eat anything I want." Turns out, not so much. I ended up putting on 5 pounds by the time it was all said and done, and my snug fitting running gear on race day made that all too obvious. So while I still expect the machine to demand a ton of fuel this time around, I'm going to have to be WAY more selective in my dietary choices, especially if I want to see that 20 pounds go away again, which I do.

The good thing is that the training schedule I have set up for myself (read: stole from the book "4 Months to a 4 Hour Marathon) seems slightly more intense than the Team in Training schedule for Phoenix. What that is going to mean for the knee I hurt last time remains to be seen, and God only knows if I'll be able to keep up with it, but I'm going to give it an honest try. I'm slightly skeptical about training directly from the book, seeing as everyone is different and reacts differently to certain workouts, but I figure it's worth a shot. In addition, I'm also in the process of reading a book called "Chi Running" that a friend loaned me and it has a lot of tips about form and injury prevention that I'm going to be trying to incorporate. It's tough though - sort of like trying to speak a foriegn language at first. Feels a little unnatural despite the benefits. That's another reason for this pre-training session - to give myself time to build a foundation for some new technique.

I realize that it was sort of a bummer that I never posted a post-marathon blog to tie things up. Well, a bummer for the 2 or 3 of you that read this thing. I'm not really sure what to say about that. Hopefully I'll make the time to do a Phoenix recap, but for a variety of reasons once the run was behind me I just couldn't bring myself to talk about it any more. It's really difficult to explain, but from what a gather a fairly common occurance. I had a bit of a post-marathon let down and even now the thought of revisiting that weekend makes me feel emotionally tired, despite the fact that my memories are almost 100% positive. I'm sorry if some of you guys felt like there was no payoff for sticking with me all those months. Hopefully one of these days I'll get around to telling that part of the story.

For now, I'm looking ahead to the next chapter.

S2D1
DISTANCE: 1.88 Miles
TOTAL DISTANCE: 1.88 Miles

Day One Hundred Fifty-Three: It Is What It Is

I hate to do it like this, but I honestly don't have a ton of time tonight. Sadly this will be my last post before Sunday and Sunday is the marathon.

I'm not really at a point right now where I can sum any of this up properly, so I'll save that until after I run. Overall this has been an amazing experience and the only regret I have is the time and training I missed due to injury. I'm nervous and tentative heading into the weekend knowing that I've fallen off the training pace, but thanks to the accupuncture and the advice of my coaches my knee is feeling much better. Everyone keeps asking me how it is and all I can say is that it's as good as it's going to get.

I'm close to $5000.00 in fundraising, which is unreal. I don't even really know how to react to that except to say Thank You.

So now I'm all packed and more or less ready to go. The plane takes off tomorrow morning at 6:55 and the race starts on Sunday at 7:40AM, Phoenix time. If you get a chance to think of me and send me some good vibes that would be great.

I wish I had been able to keep up with this blog the way that I wanted to and I wish I wasn't so behind with entries so that I could give the proper type of send off today before the big run. Unfortunately my mind is spinning at a thousand miles per second and I'm trying to get out of my office so I can get some rest and get out to Phoenix in the right frame of mind.

Thank you to everyone who has read these entries and supported me for the past 5 months. Thanks to everyone who has donated to the cause. Thanks to our coaches and to my mentor Dragan, who have helped get me where I never thought I would be. Thanks especially to Jen, who got me involved to begin with and has made this such a fun and rewarding experience.

Next time you guys hear from me, I'll have run a marathon.

Wish me luck.

BD

DAY 148
TODAY'S MILEAGE: 6
TOTAL MILEAGE: 305.37

DAY 152
TODAY'S MILEAGE: 3
TOTAL MILEAGE: 308.37

Day One Hundred Forty-Six: A Zombie's Best Friend

I am a zombie now. The walking dead. I might not move around as fluidly as I used to, but the only thing that can stop me is a bullet to the brain or someone lopping off my head. So unless there are any zombie hunters out in Phoenix, I'm going to finish this marathon. Zombie style.

That's my new mantra.

Along with my new mantra, I have a new best friend. You might remember him as he used to be one of my greatest adversaries. Funny how in times like this we begin to see our enemies in a new light, because as of last week the treadmill has become a trusted ally. In fact, the treadmill is directly responsible for The Resurrection. Well, the treadmill and the voodoo queen that sticks needles in my leg.

With my knee injury I need to run on flat surfaces. Any kind of hill, up or down, has been bringing with it some ridiculous pain on the outside of my left knee. The only way I can really describe it is that it feels as if there is something in there bouncing around that doesn't belong in there. Either that or someone is jabbing me with a pencil or a nail as I run and moving it around. Ironic that being jabbed with needles appears to be the solution to this problem, no?

You may not know this but Manhattan is actually very hilly terrain. I'm not basing that on any sort of research beyond the 200 some odd miles I've run in the city since August, so you'll forgive me if I ask you take my word on this one. Seriously, there are hills everywhere, especially in the damn park. Even at the Resevoir where the run is relatively flat you run into some slopes, especially now that there is a detour for some maintenance. Trust me, I tried it. About the flattest spot I could find to run was around The Great Lawn which is surrounded with a sidewalk and is about .52 miles around. Unfortunately, it's not the most convenient place to get to. I suppose I could have looked for a track at a local college or high school, but in the interest of time I decided to try out the old treadmill here at the gym where I work. Plus, I'm paying 25 bucks a month to use the damn thing, I might as well get my money's worth.

I have never liked training on a treadmill. It's boring and it makes me feel a little loopy afterwards. Like I'm on rollerskates or something. But sometimes you just do what you gotta do when you find yourself wandering the earth as a member of the undead and you excercise like a Jetson.

The ten miles I ran on the treadmill last week was extremely difficult. For starters, I hadn't run any kind of real distance in a month. Secondly, and I can't mention this enough - running on a treadmill is boring. Nothing changes. Nothing happens. Every once in a while someone new gets on the treadmill next to you, but that's about it. I couldn't wear my headphones because they don't sit right in my ears when I run without strapping them in with a headband, so it was just me and ten miles in the same place. But I did it. And I did it because of the treadmill. That's right. No hills on that sumbitch.

A ha. There's the secret.

After the wild success of Ten Mile Tuesday I decided to stick with what worked and head back to the treadmill for another run on Thursday. We're getting awful close to the run at this point though, and in the interest of tapering I was going to have to live with the ten miles being my last long run and now just concentrate on keeping my body moving (hopefully without much complaining coming from my left knee). I was sore from an accupuncture appointment the day before (shit feels like a charlie horse for two days afterwards) and from the 10 miles on Tuesday, but better to run through that soreness than totally tighten up in Phoenix leading to a major league crash and burn. So I set the speed for a 10:54 mile and started running. And because it was a treadmill nothing happened of any note until I stopped running. But on the bright side, it felt good and my knee had no complaints to register.

Another 5 miles in the books thanks to my new best friend.

But sometimes you've gotta do things on your own and you can't bring your best friends along with you.

Which is exactly what happened last Saturday when I went back to Central Park for my last weekend group run around the 6 mile loop in Central Park...

DAY 146
TODAY'S MILEAGE: 5
TOTAL MILEAGE: 296.37

Day One Hundred Forty-Six: Back From The Dead

What can I say?

This past month has sucked. I've touched on it all before, but I guess I'll just make sure to catch everyone up by saying that right after Thanksgiving I hurt myself. It's a pretty common injury for new runners who's bodies aren't used to the strain of the kind of training we have been doing. Basically there is a tendon that runs down the outside of your leg from the hip to the ankle and mine became too tight which was causing a lot of pain in my left knee when I ran. I don't know if I'm a big baby or what, but holy crap it really really hurt. I tried to rest it (along with the recommended icing and stretching) and none of that seemed to be working. So finally in late December I started seeing an accupuncturist.

This past Tuesday I ran 10 miles on the treadmill which was the longest I had run since December 2 when I kicked out 12 in the park before I had to stop because of my knee. The great news is that my IT band didn't act up at all and I was able to finish the run. The not so great news is that 10 miles was really really tough on me and I feel like the 5 weeks that I have been hurt has done some serious damage to my training (obviously). This week I had been giving some serious thought to transferring my the funds I have raised to a Spring event and starting the whole process over in February and running the San Diego Marathon instead of Phoenix. Trust me, it's really the last thing I wanted to do - second to last thing actually because the LAST thing I want to do is go to Phoenix and not finish because of an injury. I won't really be able to deal with that.

Last night we had our Send Off meeting where we got together with the rest of the team and got some final instructions about tapering as well as going over our schedule once we get to Phoenix. I spoke with Ramon before the meeting to voice my concerns about my injury and my conditioning. He told me that if I can run 10 miles I can run a marathon and that he thinks I should come to Phoenix. He said that the last 6 miles are going to be hard for everyone and that as long as I am very cautious with my pacing I should have no problem. I don't know how much of that was real and how much of it was motivational coaching, but you know what? Fuck it, I'm going to Phoenix. This is the run that I have been training for and this is the run that I have been begging people to donate for and this is the run that I want to finish. I have absolutely no idea how it's going to go down. I don't know if the route is going to be flat enough to not bother my knee (both up and down slopes really make it sing). I don't know if I'm going to have the wind to finish and even if I have the wind, injury or no I don't know that my body is really ready at this point. I don't know if I'm going to have to walk a few miles and if that is the case how I'll respond to that mentally.

I just don't know. Which is pretty freakin scary. But fuck it, I'm going to Phoenix. I mean, everyone is nervous for their first marathon I suppose, but not having trained for the past 5 weeks just adds too many questions and I'm not so good with questions that I can't answer. I asked Ramon last night if I should try to squeeze in a long run and he said absolutely not. I asked if I should try to run on some hills to see how my knee responds and he said absolutely not. If it didn't go well, what do I do then? Basically he said there is nothing I can do at this point that is going to prepare me any better for the marathon except to taper and take care of myself. So I've got to just let all these questions I have go unanswered until I actually get out there on the course in Phoenix and then I'll find out if I can actually run a marathon or not.

Yeah, I'm terrified.

But fuck it, I'm going to Phoenix.

There's this song that's been in my head the past couple of days called "My Poor Brain" by the Foo Fighters - one line especially. At one point Dave Grohl sings "Sometimes I feel I'm gettin stuck between the handshake and the fuck." That's sort of where I have been the past few weeks which is why it's been really difficult for me to continue with this blog not knowing if I was going to be able to come through and finish this amazing thing that I've started. The most frustrating thing about my situation was that it wasn't due to a lack of will or dedication on my part but simply because my body wasn't working the way I needed it to work. I didn't (and honestly I still don't) know if I'm going to be able to do what I set out to do on that first morning of practice way back in August almost 300 miles and over $4500.00 dollars ago.

But you know what?

Yeah, you know.

See you in Phoenix.

Here's a wrap up of what has passed for training recently:

There were a couple of aborted runs that were honestly less than 2 miles before I had to turn back and walk home. I'll leave those days out because honestly, I don't even really remember when they were and never bothered to track my mileage. I've also done a day or two of cross training every week to try and keep myself somewhat in shape (tell that to the 5 pounds I have put on).

DAY 133
TODAY'S MILEAGE: 6.26
TOTAL MILEAGE: 275.76

DAY 135
TODAY'S MILEAGE: 5.61
TOTAL MILEAGE: 281.37

DAY 144
TODAY'S MILEAGE: 10
TOTAL MILEAGE: 291.37

Updates to follow on my fundraising progress and what accupuncture feels like (I'll give you a hint: it feels like someone sticking needles in you).

Sorry I've been gone so long. Hope you stuck with me.

BD